Love Me, Love Me Not
by Kirarya
Summary: :: A Sasuke love story :: Lokota has a dark secret. So far, nobody knows. What happens when she falls in love and she has to make a choice? Will her secret be revealed? :: Rated T for safety ::
1. I Decided to Start a Game

I sighed as I walked through the center of the Leaf Village. It was just getting dark and all the villagers had retired for the evening. The streets were lit with the last rays of sunlight, making everything a fiery orange. There was one stall still fully active: Ichiraku Ramen. As I approached it I heard someone call out my name. I turned to see who was speaking to me. It was Naruto. Go figure. He jogged up to me, smiling and waving. I smiled back.

"What's up Lakota?" he asked me politely.

"Nothing much," I told him. I had more of an edge to my voice than I meant to.

"Oh..." was his response.

I felt kind of bad for being so sharp but truth be told, I just needed to be alone right now. Naruto and I had always been... companions. We understood each other's pain, the both of us having jinchuurikis trapped within us. He had the nine-tailed fox, and I the ten-tailed wolf. We had grown up with the same burdens and we communicated with one another as no one else would ever be able to. They just don't understand what it's like.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't mean to snap on you."

"H-Hey, don't apologize," Naruto assured. "I uh, just came for some ramen... do you want to join me?"

I shook my head. "Sorry Naruto. I actually promised my father I'd visit him tonight," I said. I felt guilty, lying to him like this, but I needed to get rid of him.

"Well, that's fine," he replied. "Say hey to Kakashi for me then."

"I will," I assured him before I left, not really heading in a particular direction.

Yep. My father's Kakashi Hatake. I'm Lakota Takashi Hatake. We aren't superbly close to one another, but there's a bond that will never be broken. Years ago I left home: traveling, experiencing. I was having the time of my life. Then he made me return to the Leaf Village. I was angry but I understood. You know what made the whole coming home thing worse? I had just joined an amazing group of people. They filled the gap in my heart which had been empty since my childhood. I still visit them often enough, those friends of mine. But I can't ever tell my father. He'll freak. The reason? Those friends, my family – they're the Akatsuki.

* * *

><p>It was now dark out and I found my feet leading me to the training grounds. It was one of my favorite places to relax and think. Alone. The moon shone brightly in the clear evening sky. It would be a perfect evening to get things off my mind through training. However, not the entire universe seemed to agree with me. When I finally reached the grounds I sensed another presence. Not wanting to be detected, I stayed within the shadows of the forest that bordered it. Then I closed my eyes and listened. An owl called from somewhere in the sky above. Crickets sang from a nearby meadow. And heavy breathing, a person, lead me to a clearing in the center of it all. I laid down in the tall grass which skirted it, ever so slowly creeping forward. When I reached where the grass stopped, I froze. I pushed back the last patch in front of me so I could see clearly.<p>

In front of me was a silhouette illuminated in the moonlight. I couldn't tell who it was. They appeared to be practicing taijutsu: punching, kicking, and dodging. It sparked something in my imagination. I decided to start a game. I took two kunai out of the pouch at my waist and flung them at the mysterious character, making sure neither of them would actually hit. I watched as the figure easily avoided the attack. Whoever it was looked in my direction. I decided to lay low. I threw two more kunai as I escaped into a tree. Just as I pressed my back against the trunk I saw a flurry of shuriken whiz past my face. My eyes widened. I wasn't expecting a retaliation. There was only one person that could be. Sasuke Uchiha.


	2. Under the Stars in the Sky

Now that I knew who it was I was indifferent to him. However, I decided I couldn't just reveal myself. I quickly created a shadow clone. It set off to distract Sasuke, hopping from tree to tree. I descended from the branch I was standing on. When I reached the ground I ducked for cover in the tall grass once again. I watched as the clone moved around the clearing in a circle. That was the plan. Within no time Sasuke had his back to me. I retrieved a kunai from my pouch... and ambushed. Sasuke had no time to react as I rushed up to him. A blink later and I was standing behind him. My arm held his shoulder and the kunai blade was pressed against his throat.

"Well done," he smirked.

"Why are you laughing?" I hissed back.

"Just because," he replied.

Aggravated, I applied a greater pressure to the blade. I expected to see his flesh tear. Instead, I found myself grasping at a cloud of smoke. Shocked, I took a step back. And a good thing I did too. I felt a sting as a shuriken grazed my cheek. The others flew harmlessly by. If I had still been standing there... I shuddered. I heard footsteps behind me. Turning, I came face to face with Sasuke. A period of silence descended upon us as we evaluated each other, here in the middle of the night.

"Well. That was fun," I started.

"I-I'm sorry Lakota," he said. "I didn't realize it was you."

I shrugged. "You weren't supposed to." He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Why did you attack me?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders again.

"Felt like having some fun," I told him. Sasuke growled.

"What does that mean?"

"Well," I explained. "I originally came here wanting to train but when I saw you I decided that I could use you for my training. Of course, I didn't know it was you when I first threw the kunai in your direction. Oh, and I made sure they wouldn't hit you, just in case you wouldn't sense them as they flew towards you. Any ninja should have been able to, but you were training and all and then-" he placed a hand over my mouth.

"Alright, I get it," was all he said.

I felt my cheeks flush briefly. This boy was standing here. With me. In the middle of the night. Alone. Sighing, he dropped his hand from my mouth. I smiled and touched where his hand had been.

"Sasuke?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?"

"I like to be alone. Training helps to get my mind off things," he explained.

"No, I mean why are you here? With me?" I clarified.

He looked surprised. "That's a good question."  
>"I-I mean, you d-don't have to stay if you don't w-want to," I stammered. "It's just-"<p>

He cut me off. "I'll be leaving then. I have no reason to remain here as my training's been interrupted."

I cringed as he said that. He turned his back to me and started walking away. I suddenly felt like a horrible person. I hadn't thought of it that way. And I didn't really want him to go either. It wasn't often that I spent time socializing with others. This seemed like an opportunity to me. I got quiet, unsure of what to do. Sasuke stopped a few yards away from me and looked back.

"Well, are you coming?" he asked.

Feeling a rush flow through my veins, I skipped over next to him. He waited for me to stop next to him before we walked back towards the Leaf Village, side by side under the stars in the sky.


	3. The Sun Had Now Risen

Sasuke and I talked as we walked back to the village. Small stuff mostly: recent missions, people, upcoming events, etc. After a while he got quiet. I, not wanting to disturb him, followed suit. We walked the rest of the way together in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence. It was the kind of silence which filled one with peace. Sasuke and I, we seemed to communicate through the silence between us.

I found myself sneaking glances at him as we continued to walk. I wasn't being obvious, I just... wanted to be able to look at him. I mean, I'm not going to lie. Sasuke was gorgeous, and he had an edge to him. That didn't mean I was going to go all fangirl over him though. Sakura and Ino supplied plenty of mooching. It made me want to throw up. Lost in my thoughts, I looked up as I noticed Sasuke had stopped walking. He stared into my eyes and I felt my feet come to a standstill. I loved his eyes. They were so dark and mysterious... I shook my head. What was I thinking?

"Why did you stop?" I asked Sasuke.

He smirked. "This is your home, isn't it?"

I blinked and looked up at the building we stood next to. My jaw dropped. This was my apartment. I glanced back at him. My mouth was still hanging wide open in disbelief. He smiled and reached out towards me, gently placing his hand below my chin. He eased my mouth shut.

"Wait... what-" I started in disbelief. How in the world did he know where I lived?

Sasuke smiled. "Just a hunch," he replied.

With that he turned his back to me and began to walk towards his own home. I stood in front of the apartment I lived in, suddenly feeling a bit lonely. I shivered as the night air finally settled on my skin. However, I didn't notice. I stared after Sasuke, watching him until he was out of viewing range. I smiled as I turned to enter the door I stood next to. Quietly, I crept upstairs and into my room. I prepared myself for sleep and lied down on my mattress. Grabbing my plushy rabbit, I curled up under the blankets and fell asleep peacefully, for the first night in a long time.

* * *

><p>I awoke the next morning to birds chirping outside my window. I sat up in my bed, yawning and stretching. The first rays of dawn crept their way into my apartment and over my skin. I smiled as I watched the light shimmer. Suddenly I remembered last night's events. Sasuke had left me utterly confused. I just sort of sat there on my bed for a while, allowing myself to think his actions over. Finally I sighed and gave up. I rubbed my eyes and moaned, heading to the shower.<p>

Once I had finished getting ready for the day I checked my appearance one last time in the mirror. My white hair was now frizz-free and instead of my pj's I wore a black dress. Naturally it had shorts built in. A matching hat adorned my head. Satisfied, I left my apartment. The sun had now risen above the horizon and the streets were beginning to fill with bustle. I smiled and greeted people passing by me. I hadn't really decided what I wanted to do with my day, so I let the flow of the crowd take me. When I finally came to a standstill I found myself near the front gate. I now knew exactly where I wanted to go.

* * *

><p>Not much longer after I had left the Leaf Village did I begin to feel anxious. It was odd, I had never felt this way after leaving before. I struggled to continue along my path, as though there was something, someone, pulling me back. At last I decided to take a break. I sat under the shade of a maple, my back against the trunk. In front of me a stream trickled past. I relaxed and allowed myself to enjoy the beauty of the warm day around me. I rested peacefully for a while, enjoying the warmth of the sun's rays on my skin. Suddenly there was a sharp noise from behind me. I turned to investigate what it was... and then everything went black.<p> 


	4. I Just Felt so Alone

I awoke in a eerie cave. I blinked a couple of times, letting my eyes adjust to the limited light. I glanced around me. Everything seemed oddly... quiet. I got up and began to walk around. I was scared. Why was I here? Who had assaulted me? Where was I? Questions flew through my mind. I groaned in confusion. Dripping water was all I heard in the distance. I wandered around, looking for an exit for what seemed like eternity. Finally I gave up. I'd always been strong, but now I just felt so alone. I slumped against the moist wall of the cave and cried. Moments later I heard footsteps. I looked up and closed my eyes, trying to hide further into the corner. My breathing got shallower and I felt my muscles tense, preparing to flee.

"Kota?" I heard a voice call out.

My eyes flew open again. Wait. I knew that voice. Shaking, I stood up. I stood and ran. Ran into the arms of the man looking for me. I sobbed as I felt him embrace me. The familiar black and red cloak was comforting so I let my tears drain. All the fear, loneliness, and confusion I felt flowed out. The arms around me gently brushed my back, soothing me. The voice whispered hushed words. And the man, the man waited until I was ready to speak.

"I-Itachi," I sniffled. "What are you doing here? What... what am I doing here?"

He hushed me. "It's... a long story. I'll explain as we walk back."

"Back? Back to where?" I asked.

"You'll see," was all he said.

I gave up and let him guide me as we headed back in the direction he came from.

"Thank you," I whispered.

I rested my head on his shoulder as he held me around the waist. Feeling tired suddenly, I let myself cuddle into his cloak. Itachi looked down at me. He gently kissed the top of my head, letting me know that I was safe.

* * *

><p>Itachi had explained that the Akatsuki's last hideout had been discovered, so they needed to move somewhere new. Although all the members had trusted me, they decided it was for the best if I didn't know exactly where the new location was. It was only a security measure he had assured me. Plus, they were hoping for a visit from me soon. It had been a while since I had come by to see them, though I hadn't realized it. Therefore, Itachi couldn't resist the urge to bring me here when he saw me in the forest. I quickly forgave him for the kidnapping.<p>

* * *

><p>Soon thereafter we entered a large cavern. Fascinated by my surroundings, I stepped away from Itachi and looked around. I was shocked. The cave looked like any other living room. Except for the fact that it was surrounded with dirt of course. I slumped into a nearby couch, relieved to finally be able rest again. That small 'adventure' had stressed me out insanely. Itachi came and sat next to me. Suddenly, I realized that we were alone.<p>

"Hey Itachi," I started.

"Yeah?"

"Where's everyone else?" I asked.

"Well, they're looking for you," he told me.

I was shocked. "But... why? I'm right here," I said, confused.

"They don't know that, now do they?" he pointed out. "Besides, there's nothing wrong with us spending some time alone, right?" he asked. He looked into my eyes and smiled.

"Of course not," I agreed, feeling drowsy.

I cuddled up next to him once again and felt myself begin to slip into unconsciousness.


	5. A Peck on the Cheek

When I awoke I was sprawled out along the couch. Itachi was no where to be seen. However, I heard voices and laughter echoing from around the bend of the cavern. I sat up and blinked. Had I really just fallen asleep again? I shook my head in disbelief. Getting up, I began to walk towards the voices. As I strolled around the corner I smiled. Every member of the Akatsuki was there, chilling out in a large circle. Tobi was the first to notice me. From what I could tell he was grinning widely under his orange mask as he moved in my direction. In an instant I felt myself being crushed as his arms wrapped around me.

"Lakota!" he cried in excitement.

At the sound of my name all the other members turned towards me. I felt myself blush from all the sudden attention on me and Tobi. He let go of me and smiled. I only had a second to say hello to the group before I was embraced again. I felt myself being thrown from one person's arms to another, briefly pausing with each male to greet them. When at last I was done I felt dizzy. Before I knew it the world was spiraling around me and I was lying across a chair.

"Ugh," I mumbled.

"Sorry about that," Kakazu apologized. "I guess we're all just a bit excited to see you again."

"Just a bit?" I questioned. He laughed.

Deidara helped me up as the rest of the Akatsuki backed up to give me space to breathe.

"Dang..." I started. "I guess I hadn't realized how long I'd been away."

I looked around me. These people, encircling me, they were my family. I don't care how murderous they may be, here I know I'll never be harmed.

"So... who wants to have some fun?" I shouted.

My fist punched the air, followed by others and cheers of agreement.

* * *

><p>After a few days of staying with the Akatsuki I knew I should be going home. I didn't want my father worrying or anyone becoming suspicious of my absence. Tearful eyes marked my departure as Itachi and I set out for the Leaf Village. He had to escort me due to the fact that I couldn't actually know where I was. He carried me and kept my eyes shut until we were a distance from the hideout. When we were far enough he set me down and allowed me to see once again. We continued towards the village together, not really talking much. He stopped once we reached the clearing he had kidnapped me from.<p>

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing," he replied. "I just don't want to risk the chance of being seen by anyone."

"Ah. Got it."

I paused. I couldn't believe this was goodbye again. It seemed like it was just yesterday when I had said goodbye to him before I left to return to the Leaf Village. The sun was just beginning to set and I knew I had to leave quickly unless I wanted to be traveling in the dark.

"What do I do if I want to see you again?" I asked him. "I don't know where to go."

"Come here, to this clearing. One of us will stop here everyday at noon," he said.

I nodded, understanding. I reached up to embrace Itachi one last time. He bent down and gave me a peck on the cheek. Quickly, I said goodbye. I turned away from him, hurriedly leaving the clearing. I couldn't let him see... I wiped away a single tear as it fell down my cheek.

* * *

><p>I arrived at the Leaf Village just as the sun disappeared behind the horizon. I sneaked through the empty streets, arriving at my house. When I entered my room I sighed. Back to the same boring life. Day after day I'd have to suffer a hole in my heart. An ache that could never be healed while I was here. I walked over to my window and leaned against the sill. I frowned as I thought I saw a flash of blue in the shadows but thought nothing of it. Yawning, I slumped into my bed and fell fast asleep.<p> 


	6. Strictly Confidential

The next day I felt entirely refreshed and had already fallen back into my usual routine. I spent the morning training before Sakura had tracked me down. She informed me that Lady Tsunade requested my presence. I now found myself in the hokage's building, responding to her request for assistance with organizing a new mission. She wouldn't yet tell me what it was or who would be in the squad, but I assumed it somehow involved me as she was persistent on having me nearby.

Finally, Tsunade sat down at her desk and granted me entrance to her office. I was nervous. She's never acted quite like this before. She seemed anxious, or undecided. I was puzzled by her actions. Honestly, I couldn't quite figure her out. She sighed and looked me straight in the eyes. This was serious, I decided. Handing me a file of papers, she began to explain the new mission.

"This is strictly confidential," she noted first. "It is an S-class mission, and I am sending only the best shinobi to accompany you. Naturally, you will lead the squad. You may not speak of this to anyone other than your squad members."

I nodded, understanding. I was now overly curious as to what my mission was and who I would be traveling with. This was the highest ranking I've ever had on a mission, not failing to mention that this was my first S-class one as well.

"Your mission," she started, "is to locate, then exterminate the Akatsuki."

My stomach flipped. Did I just hear her correctly? The most important mission I've been assigned yet involved killing my best friends? I quickly snapped open the file she had handed me. Not much to my surprise, the profiles of every Akatsuki member were included within it. There was also information on their previous movements and aggression. Recent reports by various ninja suggested multiple places in which we should begin our search.

I felt my body begin to tremble. There was no way I'd be able to get out of this. If I even attempted I'd arouse suspicion and most likely be placed under careful observation. Then I wouldn't be able to get to the Akatsuki to warn them of the Leaf Village attack. I felt trapped. There was nothing I could do. I worked to control myself as my eyes began to water. I blinked back the tears. There was no way I could let any sign of weakness show. Tsunade looked at me with concern.

"Are you alright Lakota?" she questioned.

I nodded, not being able to find the strength to respond. I needed to pull my act together before she began to suspect something! I tried forcing my bottom lip to stop trembling but failed. A small murmur was produced as I spoke, but to my luck it was just barely audible and the hokage didn't seem to notice.

"M-May I ask who else is in my squad?" I wondered, still in shock.

Tsunade grimaced. She looked down at her own copy of the file in front of her and pulled out two sheets of paper. Lakota recognized them as shinobi profiles, though she couldn't tell who they belonged to. She began to leaf through her own stack of documents, trying to find her copies.

"That's my situation," Lady Tsunade began, "I've only decided one other definite member. I'm requesting assistance from the two of you in order to create our village's most elite squad," she explained.

A knock on the door interrupted her.

"That must be him now. Enter!" she cried.

I was still flipping through the file I was holding and pulled out the two profiles I had just discovered. On the top was my own, and beneath that was...

"Welcome," the hokage stated.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I spun around on my heels, only to reveal the one and only standing in the doorway. Sasuke Uchiha.


	7. She was Beautiful

"Ugh," I grunted.

I was panting and sweating heavily. I had decided to take my frustration out at the training grounds, the one place I knew I could go without being interrupted. After pretending to be entirely calm around the hokage I needed to vent. All my anger had given me so much energy at the time. Now it was gone. I felt my knees buckle as I slumped to the ground. The hands I had been punching with were raw, even though I had wrapped them in bandages to prevent injury. My knuckles bled and I decided I should quit for today. Whilst training I'd made a decision. I would go to the Akatsuki tomorrow and warn them, before it was too late.

* * *

><p>That evening I was picking up some local groceries before it began to get dark. I was thinking to myself, this time very calmly, about the mission. There had to be some sort of solution, I just needed to find it. I'd delay the mission as much as I could without making it obvious in order to give myself more time. I also had to begin drafting members for the squad. With Tsunade, Sasuke and I had decided upon three more people: Naruto Uzumaki, Shikamaru Nara, and Kiba Inuzuka. Shikamaru had been chosen for his intellectual and strategic skill, he was an obvious candidate. Kiba and his companion Akamaru would be useful for tracking the Akatsuki. The only reason Naruto was included was because he had the nine-tailed fox inside of him. Having the extra chakra gave us an advantage, whether the method was entirely human or not.<p>

I had finished my shopping and was turning the corner of an alleyway when I bumped into someone. Quickly stepping back, I began to apologize profusely. I assumed that I ran into one of the local villagers again. However, upon slightly closer inspection, I realized it was only Sasuke. With that I shut my mouth. I knew he wouldn't want to listen to my blubbering, so I shortened my speech. I liked that about him, we could communicate with little said.

"Hey," he smirked.

"Sorry 'bout that," I apologized.

"It's fine," he assured me. "I was actually looking for you."

"Oh?" I raised one of my eyebrows.

I swear I saw the slightest tint of pink flash across the tops of his cheeks when I said that. I assumed it was my imagination as it was gone in an instant and he continued like nothing had happened.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk about the mission," he explained.

"Oh," I replied, trying not to sound too disappointed. "Alright."

I guess I was hoping for something more... personal. I sighed as we began walking to my house so that I could drop off all the groceries I was carrying. Sasuke didn't offer to help, but it's not like I would expect him to. When we reached the building I led him inside and up the stairs to my room. Kakashi was never home so I didn't need to worry about that. I excused myself to put away the food I had bought.

When I returned to my room I peeked through the crack of the door to see what Sasuke was doing. I caught him sneaking glaces around it, analyzing various posters and furnishing I had. He seemed particularly interested in a photograph I had of my mother. The thought of her brought a sharp pain to my heart. Sasuke glanced at the door I was standing at but must not have seen me, as he got up off my bed and walked over to it. I smiled sadly as I pushed the door open and walked in.

"She was beautiful, wasn't she?" I asked mournfully.

Sasuke set the photograph back on my bedside table, looking guilty.

"I, er, didn't mean to impose," he said quickly.

I picked up the photo and sat down on my bed. "No, it's alright," I assured him. "Perhaps it's time I finally told someone about what happened to her..."


	8. Protect Me

"My mother..." I started.

I cringed at the mere thought of her. This was the first time I'd ever spoken about her to anyone else. Even Kakashi hated to think of the issue. Sasuke seemed to sense my pain. His face softened and he sat next to me at the side of my bed. His hand twitched only a few inches away from mine but I didn't give the detail recognition. I gave him a weak smile before I took a deep breath and continued my story. I figured this might actually be healthy for me.

"My mother was not a shinobi. She was an ordinary woman from the Village Hidden in the Clouds. She met Kakashi while he was on a mission and I guess you could call it love at first sight," I explained softly.

Sasuke's gaze dropped from where it had been on me to the floor. He bit his bottom lip and I could tell he was in deep concentration. I was quiet for awhile, allowing him to think. When I saw his expression become less thoughtful I continued slowly.

"She came to live here in the village with Kakashi. That's when she had me. I remember one evening, when I was still only a few years old. My father was holding me in his arms while my mother stood beside him. She was singing me a lullaby. I was so happy then. I never would have thought it was going to end like it did. They cared for me and each other so much," I concluded.

I looked up. Sasuke was now gazing into my eyes. I saw pain in his. It made me hurt even more. I'm sure I had brought up memories from his past too. I moved my hand over his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. His eyes widened slightly. I gave him a small smile and watched him burst back to life as he smirked. I was relieved. I didn't want to continue if I was causing him to suffer. I looked back to ground, mentally preparing myself for what came next.

"It was the same night..." I trailed off.

The tears began to snake down my skin. I didn't stop them. I knew that this was going to be painful. I knew that this was what I needed. After all these years of hiding, I had finally found someone I could cry on. Why Sasuke? I didn't know. However, I did know that I trusted him. He was missing his parents, maybe I was relieved I could relate to someone other than Naruto for once. As I began to cry Sasuke inched closer and forced me to lie down on the bed. He settled in next to me so that I was facing him and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I was too caught up in tears to be shocked. Instead, I curled myself up to his chest.

"I-I... I couldn't do anything," I sobbed. "When I came back from... my walk... everything... was on fire." I cried even harder, letting the tears stream down my cheeks. "My father... just barely... made it out. B-But my mother was trapped."

It took me forever to speak between the heavy heaving of my chest. I took deep breaths, trying to calm down but I just couldn't. I stopped speaking and allowed myself to let out all the emotion I had bottled up for years. The walls I had built around my heart came toppling down. And it was all because of this boy. I shuddered as I took another breath, my sobs finally starting to cease. I was now exhausted and snuggled up closer to Sasuke to keep warm.

"It was that night that I decided I would become the greatest shinobi our village has ever seen," I said quietly.

My eyelids were getting heavy and I could feel them beginning to close. My breathing had settled into a steady rhythm as my body began to shut down. I knew I wasn't going to be moving about anytime soon.

"Sasuke?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Could you stay here tonight..." I began to mumble, "And protect me..."

Before I knew it I was out like a light. Sasuke smiled to himself and moved closer to me to keep me warm. I mean, he genuinely smiled. Even in my sleep, I felt safe in Sasuke's arms.


	9. Will You be Ready?

The next day I slept late for my normal standards. I awoke at eleven and was shocked to realize that I had to leave in half an hour. If I still wanted to warn the Akatsuki, I needed to be at the clearing outside the village at noon. I blinked and looked around as I realized something more. Sasuke was nowhere to be seen. Had he stayed? I thought he had, but maybe I was just hallucinating due to hope. I pouted. The least I could say was that I was disappointed not to have awoken next to him. I now recognized that I had started to develop feelings for him. However, if anyone were to ask, I'd deny it.

* * *

><p>I walked into the empty clearing. The sun was now at its peak in the sky and it beat down on my pale complexion. But this time I didn't smile. I was dreading the mission I had been assigned. If I warned the Akatsuki of a possible ambush, they would have to flee again. I hated being the bearer of bad news. Especially because this time, I wouldn't know when I would be able to see my friends next. Biting my lip, I walked over to the maple I sat under last time I was here. Swiftly, I leaped up and sprawled myself out across one of the branches.<p>

Itachi didn't have me waiting long. I was snoozing on the branch, enjoying the warm autumn weather. When I heard someone enter the clearing my ears perked up and my eyes snapped open. I rolled off my back and landed on the ground to see Itachi walking towards me. He arrived just on time, with Kisame at his side. I smiled when I saw them both and ran over to greet them with an embrace. More professionally, I stepped back from them and retrieved a copy of the mission file from my pouch. Handing it to them, I felt my stomach churn again. How would I ever explain this?

"What's this?" Itachi asked, raising his eyebrow.

"It's a, um..." I faltered, adverting my eyes from him and Kisame, "uh, a mission to-"

"Eliminate the Akatsuki?" Kisame gasped as he read the now opened file.

I glanced at him, then back to Itachi. He appeared to be deep in thought, as if trying to comprehend what stood before him. I didn't blame him. The content of the folder he held was mind blowing. No way would I ever have expected a nation to actually take it upon themselves to deal with the Akatsuki. The thought was simply unheard of! My vision began to blur as tears developed in my eyes yet again.

"I'm sorry! I knew I needed to warn you. There's nothing I can do!" I cried.

Itachi nodded understandingly before suddenly staring straight at me. "Kota..." he started.

It looked as if he was going to suggest something but was unsure about it. Patiently, I waited for him to mutter to Kisame under his breath. The two of them exchanged glances and whispers, all the while looking back at me. Finally I saw Kisame nod in agreement and Itachi turned back to me. This time he had a very demanding air about him, as if he'd made a life-changing decision within minute.

"Come with us," he offered boldly.

I was shocked. He had made a life-changing decision within a minute. That was something I was not expecting. I took a moment to review what had just been suggested to me. I would run with them, leaving the Leaf Village. I would never have to leave their side and would constantly be surrounded by friends, in time healing the hole in my heart. I blinked back the last of my tears before running over to Itachi and embracing him. I knew my decision.

"Itachi..." I whispered. "I can't."

Itachi and Kisame were stunned. It seemed they were expecting me to join them without any hesitation. However, I knew that if I were to run with them, I would be considered a traitor to my village. I would then become a rogue ninja, only to spend my life being sought out by the ANBU Black Ops. That would in turn mean I could never, in all honesty, see Kakashi again. I would never be able to see Sasuke again. I'd decided I had already experienced enough pain in my life at the moment and took the easiest way out. Itachi's gaze softened and he nodded understandingly.

"Just keep in mind, when the time comes, will you be ready?" he asked before he and Kisame disappeared into the brush, leaving me alone once again.


	10. There was No Response

I returned to the village shortly after the Akatsuki's departure. No one noticed me as I bounded across the large walls that surrounded it and landed safely inside. I aimed for a back alleyway so that I would not be seen by anyone that would wonder where I had been. Rising out of the crouch I was perched in, I smoothed out the crinkles in my dress and the tangles in my hair, eliminating any sign that I had been active recently. I felt hollow, not knowing when I would be able to see them again. However, I knew that this solution was much better than watching them be killed, or having to be the one to kill them. Standing strong, I began to casually walk towards the hokage's office for a scheduled meeting.  
>I arrived somewhat late even though I had rushed to get here. Sasuke and Lady Tsunade were already focused on a map that had been pinned to the wall. This time they were joined by Shikamaru, who looked in my direction as I slid the door open. He seemed bored, whereas Sasuke just ignored me. Lady Tsunade gave me a brief recap on the discussion they had been having about where to look begin looking for the Akatsuki while the boys were debating whether or not the Lightning Country seemed a likely place. They suddenly broke out into an argument and I sighed. Today was going to be a long day.<p>

After hours of planning we had gotten almost nowhere. I was now walking down the main street which was emptying rapidly as the sun lowered itself below the horizon. Fuming, I kicked a stone and stopped moving as I watched it scrape across the ground. I got a few stares from those who were still out but I didn't care. I was furious. Not about the little progress we had gotten done during the session with Lady Tsunade, nor about the fact that I was plotting to kill my friends. Not even the heated argument that had arisen managed to anger me. Thing was, Sasuke had not spoken to me once. He hadn't even looked at me. I didn't understand. What had happened between last night and this morning that would have made him ignore me? Had I imagined last night's events after all?

Though it was dark when I arrived at my house I knew that there was no way I would be able to sleep. Anger still bubbled within my veins, boiling with time. I decided to go to the one place I knew I would be able to unleash myself. The training grounds. Memories of that first night with Sasuke flooded my mind as I arrived, almost making me go dizzy. I got a grip on myself and clenched my fist, the images only making me more angry. In the entire night I spent on those grounds I threw one punch. That was it. After I threw that single punch I collapsed and began to cry.

I fell asleep there in the center of that clearing. I was cold and I was only in my dress, but I was so overcome with exhaustion that I didn't care. My body pulled itself into a protective fetal position in an attempt to keep warm as I began to slip into unconsciousness. Images flashed through my mind relentlessly. Akatsuki members were dead, pools of blood collected around their bodies. Itachi's was mangled, almost unrecognizable except for his blood red sharingan eyes which appeared hollow and haunting. I screamed.

I awoke in a cool sweat, still in the clearing. My body was shaking traumatically. As my blurry vision focused I saw Sasuke. I called out to him. He was walking away from me even as I began to beg him to stay. I panicked as the black of the night encased me. Tears streamed down my face and I screamed Sasuke's name once more. There was no response. I felt the pressure of the darkness around me crush my lungs as I began to gasp for breath. With every inhale I felt more dizzy. Finally, everything went black.


	11. Lullaby

When I woke up pain flooded through my body immediately. I tried sitting up before discovering that I could only move a fraction of an inch and collapsed. I landed comfortably, cushioned by something soft. Wait... soft? I blinked. I was staring at a ceiling. My ceiling. Hadn't I fallen asleep on the training grounds? Confused, I began to question my sanity. Then I noticed something else. My body had been washed. My hair was damp and smelled of my own lavender shampoo. I was dressed in my simplest nightgown, a gossamer white one I almost never wear.

I had been awake only a short while before Kakashi entered my room, shocking me even further. He was never home, and yet here he was now sitting at the foot of my bed. The tray with food he had been carrying was resting on the bedside table next to me, alongside a photograph of my mother.

"I'm so glad you're alright," he whispered, squeezing my hand.

I tried to speak but my mouth was dry. I licked my lips and pointed to the glass of water on the tray. Understanding, my father propped me up and raised the glass to my mouth. The cool texture was refreshing and I nodded in thanks.

"How... what am I doing here?" I tried asking, my voice cracking with every syllable.

I watched him as he examined me, puzzled about my reaction.

"You don't remember?"

I shook my head.

"You collapsed at the training grounds," he confirmed for me. So I wasn't going crazy after all. "Sasuke brought you home," he added.

My eyes widened. Sasuke? Was he alright? Was I alright? Why had he walked away from me last night? Was it last night? Had everything just been an illusion? Millions of question flew through my head but it took all of my strength to give my father a nod of my head. He understood and left the room silently.

* * *

><p>Days later and I was still in bed. Kakashi had remained in the village to care for me even though I told him he didn't have to. He read me stories while I was lying there, like he used to when I was little. Mother... I grimaced at the thought of her. Mother used to tuck me into bed every night. She'd kiss my forehead and then warn Kakashi not to keep me up late. He'd promise her and give her a quick peck before she left my room to do other household chores. And now, just like he used to, my father sang a soft lullaby as I drifted into sleep.<p>

_The sun is going down_

_Let all your fears escape._

_For when the morning comes_

_Safe and sound you'll wake._

_Close your eyes and dream_

_Toss not through the night._

_Peace will be restored_

_In the morning light._

I yawned. The lullaby he sang made me feel safe, and protected, as if nothing in this world could ever go wrong. He hadn't sang it since my mother passed away and I'm sure it pained him much more than it did me. He missed her more than I'd ever realized before. He loved her, and now she was gone. Was that why he always tried so hard to serve his village? I smirked as I recognized my source of determination. I was so much like Kakashi, though he's tell me otherwise. Letting out a sigh, I curled into myself as I let his melody carry me into unconsciousness.


	12. Who You Say You Are

It felt great to stretch again. Over the course of a few days I had completely regained muscle strength throughout my body and was fully functional again. However, this also meant that Lady Tsunade continued to go through with the secret mission as soon as possible. This was bad for me, as I hadn't been able to find a solution to my predicament. Any way I saw it I would have to either kill my friends or betray my village. Neither seemed a very friendly option.

* * *

><p>I soon decided that I should approach Sasuke. Even if he wouldn't speak to me, I needed to thank him for his help. I groaned as I realized I was now in debt to him. Out of all people, why did it have to be him? I hated owing people. It meant that I had to be grateful, which I couldn't be. I preferred being independent, strong-willed. Thus, free of debt. How I would make this up to him, I couldn't even dream of. Plus, the guy still wouldn't even talk to me. I didn't know what it is I did to make him so angry with me, but I planned on finding out.<p>

I found Sasuke in the hokage's office again. Lady Tsunade wasn't there, but Shikamaru was. I said hello to him before pardoning myself as I dragged Sasuke to a secluded area in the surrounding forest. He protested with his body language but he never once spoke or looked me in the eyes. By the time we were out of earshot I was fuming. Shoving him to the ground I began to rant.

"Look. I don't know why you're not talking to me, but I sure as h*ll want to find out," I demanded. "One night you're sleeping next to me in my bed and the next you're pretending I don't even exist. What did I do wrong?"

Sasuke sat on the ground, his arms crossed. He was determined to stay quiet. I sighed. What more was I expecting? Exhaling, I began to leave. The anger that had built up within me while I was uselessly lying in bed had finally been vented. My whole body felt as if a weight had been lifted off, allowing me to breathe more easily. I began to leave, but stopped as I remembered the original reason I had come to see him.

"Thank you," I whispered.

His eyes narrowed and I took it that he understood what I was talking about. Satisfied, I made my way to leave once again. This time though, I felt a hand encircle my wrist. I turned around, annoyed that Sasuke would even dare touch me, even though he wouldn't talk to me. I pulled out of his grasp and crossed my arms over my chest, clearly annoyed. Sasuke stood there, as if he was searching for the right words to say. I was about to leave for the last time when he spoke.

"You want to know the reason that I've been ignoring you?" he asked.

I nodded my head. That was the reason I had yelled at him just a minute ago. The reason that I dragged him all the way into this forest. The reason that I couldn't get any sleep at night. It seemed he was causing all of my life's problems at the moment. Funny way life decides to work. You never know what path it's going to take. My thoughts were interrupted when he spoke again.

"I can't figure out if you are who you say you are," he said.

I was confused. What? He didn't know if I was who I was? Who else would I be if I wasn't who I was? I looked at him, question in my eyes. He stared back at me. Straight back into my eyes. It was slightly unnerving and creepy, but at the same time comforting. I felt familiarity in those eyes, somewhere I felt safe. I longed for his presence once again. I knew that if Sasuke was around I'd never have to worry about my nightmares again. I cut my train of thoughts here. How could I suddenly be swooning over him again, after he just ignored me for over a week without explanation?

"I..." Sasuke faltered. "I saw you with them."

I froze. Surely he didn't mean-

"Yes," he said, confirming my thoughts. "I saw you with the Akatsuki."


	13. I Don't Want to Lose You

My body froze. I didn't know what to do. I tried to speak but I couldn't. My mouth only looked like a fish's as it gaped open and closed. Sasuke remained emotionless, his eyes moving back and forth across my face. They were searching for something... but what? Of course, I knew what. He was hoping for a contradiction, for me to say to that he must have been mistaken. But I couldn't. I heard a squeak escape me. Realizing how helpless I must appear, I swallowed the fear I felt and thought carefully about how to respond. When I spoke, it was barely just a whisper.

"Have you told anyone?" I asked.

Sasuke shook his head, just briefly. I felt my body release itself at his response. The dread that had been holding me together was gone and I began to fall. I braced myself, expecting to collapse onto the ground. I felt too weak to react. Instead I found myself in a pair of arms. Startled, I traced the arms with my eyes, all the way up to the face that was gently staring down at me. Sasuke's was hovering just above me. His beautiful eyes stared into my own, stirring emotions that I never even knew existed.

I could no longer resist the urges I felt. And neither could he, for I experienced his lips meeting my own in perfect unison. Sasuke gently lied my body against the ground as we continued to kiss, our lips working together in harmony. I acted with passion, but his own movements had more of an edge. I shrugged my suspicions off, sure that what we were doing was right. However, as our session progressed he grew more assertive, no longer gently exploring my lips. I gasped as he bit my bottom lip hard enough to cause blood to trickle out. That drew the line. I shoved him off of me and sat up, gingerly feeling the warmth of the sticky liquid on my lips and tasting it in my mouth.

"Why were you with the Akatsuki?" Sasuke demanded.

Rage wavered through his voice. I was shocked. He had previously seemed so calm and reserved. There was no way that this was the same boy I had felt just moments ago. I tried to find an answer, but there was nothing to say. My fingertips were still pressed to my lips, and I realized I had blood on them as I attempted to reach out for Sasuke. The sight of the red liquid made his eyes widen. The ooze had already begun to thicken on my lip. He stepped back, away from the clearing and leaned against a sapling for support. What caused him to do so?

"They're my friends Sasuke," I told him boldly.

He looked indifferent, as if he were expecting such. If he was then why had he asked me? I knew. He was hoping for a different answer. What a foolish emotion, hope. Yet we all succumb to it at some point in our lives. I looked at Sasuke with pity, and slowly began to move towards him.

"Are you going to tell now?" I asked.

I expected him to, and I would have to flee the village. I think I had been expecting this all my life. Ever since I met the Akatsuki anyway. My village would be ashamed and my father would be devastated. Not to mention, my friends would have to kill me if they ever saw me again. I turned around, ready to go pack my things.

"No," he whispered.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Spinning around, I turned to face him. Anger flustered my cheeks and surprise caused me to lose my balance. I landed on my knees, staring at the young man in front of me.

"What?" I hissed.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If Tsunade found out that I was with the Akatsuki, she'll have me killed. But it was a chance that I was willing to take for my friends. If she found out that Sasuke knew, he was sure to be punished as well. My mind couldn't wrap around it.

"Why would you do such a thing?" I asked him, with more anger than I intended.

Sasuke looked taken aback.

"I don't want to lose you," he said softly.


	14. I'll Go With You

I began to cry. That was all really. The overflow of emotions my body felt caused it to crash, and all I had left was a sense of numbness. Mentally and physically I was still capable of operating, but I didn't know what to do. I remained standing where I was, a few yards away from Sasuke as tears trickled down my cheek. I felt them drip slowly off of my chin. The clearing was so quiet that I could hear the splash they created when they hit the ground before being absorbed into the soil.

"You can't do this to me Sasuke," I whispered.

He looked confused and took a step towards me. I took a step back. He stopped, understanding that he wouldn't be able to get near me anytime soon. Instead, he responded slowly and softly, as if afraid that any sudden movements would cause me to flee. Which indeed they probably would.

"I don't understand Kota... what is it that I'm doing?" he asked.

Kota. He had called me Kota. That was a name that only Itachi had called me before. My heart broke at the thought of him. Out of all the Akatsuki members it was Itachi that I missed the most. He and Sasuke were a lot alike, however Sasuke always has had a bit more mystery to him, as well as a greater sense of compassion. I loved Itachi yes, but as the brother that I never had. If it ever came down to it, I knew that Sasuke was the one who be given custody of my heart.

I shook my head. He must know. How I felt. There was no way I could be with the Akatsuki and him. Trying to make that choice was killing me and I just couldn't do it anymore.

"You know," I said.

"Honestly, I don't know. Help me to understand!" he replied, exasperated.

I stepped back, honestly shocked. If he hadn't picked up on the signals I had been giving off maybe it wasn't even worth my time. I began to doubt what I thought he felt for me. There was only one way to confirm my suspicions for sure. Taking a deep breath, I attempted to prepare myself for what I was bout to say. Nothing helped.

"I love you Sasuke!" I screamed. "I love you but I can't!"  
>Now it was his turn to be stunned. I cringed. Maybe I had gone too far, admitting my total feelings for him. But there was no turning back now. I watched as Sasuke blinked a few times, trying to grasp what I had just said. His mind couldn't seem to wrap around the situation. My body trembled. I was wrong. He hadn't felt anything at all for me. Ashamed, I turned away from him so that he wouldn't be able to see the truth in my eyes.<p>

"Stop making me choose between the Akatsuki and you! I just can't do it anymore!" I shouted.

With that I began to run. I didn't care where I was going, I just needed to get away from Sasuke. Branches scraped my face and got entangled in my hair but I could care less. The stinging sensation on my cheeks was nothing in comparison to the fire boiling beneath my skin. I tripped a few times, my blurred vision not assisting much in my escape.

I didn't get far before I felt a hand on my wrist again. I struggled this time, trying to break free but they had a tight grip. After a few attempts I gave in and allowed myself to fall into the person's arms. It only made sense that they were Sasuke's. He soothed me much like Itachi had in the cave, but this time I felt a sense of self-fulfillment as he said something I had been waiting to hear.

"I love you too Kota."

I inhaled sharply and looked him in the eyes. By the way his pupils expanded I could tell he was stating the truth. As joy flooded through my veins I stood up on my toes to give him a long, passionate kiss, only to find that it was returned. Moments later I was disappointed to find that Sasuke broke off first. But I was shocked when I realized why.

"I won't make you choose," he whispered. "I'll go with you."


End file.
